I was speaking with a patient in the middle of the night the other night. Somehow we got into a conversation about a range of Christian-related things, discovered each other are believers, and all in all had a good conversation. I honestly forget how we got onto the subject, but she began telling me about some of her past and how she had a lot of unforgiveness against her mother because of how terrible of a job her mother did in raising her. As we discussed forgiveness, I began to explain to her a few different reasons why it is so important that we forgive others. It is one of those subjects that are somewhat foundational, but it can be important to revisit from time to time, and even to be reminded that we all have people we have failed to forgive, whether from forgetfulness or intentionality. I want to share with you here what we discussed that night because it has implications that reach far beyond just forgiveness, into choosing how we are measured.
First of all, whether we do or don’t forgive someone else, they are usually unaware of. We are the one carrying around the anger, bitterness and other negative emotions while the other person carries on with their life. This means we are just hurting ourselves by maintaining this weight of debt on our souls. I gave her the example that Jesus gave in a parable of the two different debts in Matthew 18:21-25. I recommend you read the passage, as it directly relates to the topic of this article, but the short version is that the larger debt was forgiven, and the smaller debt was not forgiven, and the end result is that the one who refused to forgive the smaller debt ended up in prison himself. I explained that if we consider that what Jesus did was to forgive everything, then any debts that we hold onto are small in comparison to any debts Jesus could hold over us (but chooses not to). Which means really we’re the person in the parable who didn’t forget the debt and ends up getting locked up as a result. Unforgiveness imprisons ourselves.
That brought me to the point I made to her that I really want to focus on today. In Matthew 7:2 and Luke 6:38 it tells us that with the measure we use things will be measured to us. In John 20:23 Jesus pronounced over the disciples that if we forgive sins then they are forgiven, but if we do not forgive, or we retain those sins, then they are retained or not forgiven. But what I think people often forget, or are unaware of, is the fact that regardless of whether we forgive or retain someone sins against us, the standard we use is the one that gets applied to us. In other words, if I want to receive forgiveness from others, but I am unwilling to forgive others, then I am foolish to expect to receive forgiveness or others because I have already chosen the standard of how I want things to be measured toward me through my unforgiveness.
While focused on forgiveness, this is a broader-reaching principle with potentially significant impact. Consider the implications of us being the ones in charge of choosing how things are measured to us in life based on how we measure them out to others. In reality this is a type of manifestation of the law of sewing and a reaping, so it does make sense, but this deals more I think with treatment of others in the resulting treatment that we receive. I honor our others. I am likely to be honored. If I disparage others I will probably find myself disparage as well. If I lie, cheat, steal, and deceive others than the measure that I use toward others is likely what I will receive toward me. It may take time for some of those things to catch up to us, but the measure we use is what decides what we receive.
Something I think people may have a tough time with, especially those who tend to focus on more grace-related teachings, is this idea that we are measured at all. After all, if Jesus did it all on the cross, shouldn’t we be measured by His accomplishments and not ours? We could look at this a few different ways. We could argue that because Jesus said this in Luke, before he went to the cross, that none of this applies to us any longer. And that is certainly one view. Not one I maintain, but it is a view some people hold.
Another way of looking at this is that Jesus is giving us a basic understanding of spiritual laws (if you want to understand this subject better, grab a copy of my book The Power of Impartation). It is possible to function at a higher level than these laws, but this is one of the basics. This is foundational level stuff. If we don’t move beyond this, we will definitely find these things apply to us. I am not entirely decided yet as to whether these things will always apply to us or not, but at the very least, so long as we exist in this cosmos and are still governed by its laws instead of governing over them, these things will definitely apply. And to whatever extent they apply, it seems sensible to be aware of them, if for no other reason than because Jesus felt it significant enough to teach this fact to people.
I don’t know about you, but I really only want good things in life. I don’t want torment, problems, or pain. I don’t want unhealthy stress. I don’t really want people to gossip about me, or insult me, or any manner of other unpleasant ways that people can treat me. I don’t want to be hated. And I think that’s true for most everyone. We all want to be loved, honored, and respected. We want to be valued. And the good and bad news is that we get to choose the measure that we are going to receive based on the measure we used toward others. Now, this has nothing to do with how other people treat us. The Bible doesn’t say “if you respect people after they respect you” or any number of other things that are based on the behavior and decisions of others. What it says is that the standard we choose to apply to others is the standard that we will have applied to us. It is a form of conditional statement, but again, the both good and bad news is that we set the conditions. The great thing about it is that we are in a large degree of control over the standards we set. The downside is that we have to do this thing called “taking personal responsibility,” which if we are honest, no one really likes to do. We’ll do it, sure, but rarely does someone like doing it. It’s what mature adults do though, and you can learn a great deal about someone’s maturity level by whether they are or aren’t willing to take responsibility for things and the extent to which they make excuses or try to pass blame to others.
Whether we consider it a good thing or not though, the fact is that God has given us a significant amount of control over our lives. And fun fact, God is not in control. Not how we are usually taught. Psalm 115:16 says, “the heavens are the heavens of the Lord, but the earth He has given to man.” This means that what happens on the earth is really up to us, not God. I hear many believers tossing around the “God is in control” panacea as a way of feeling better about bad things, but it’s high on my list of “unpopular spiritual truths” because God delegated authority over the earth to us. If we want things to be different, they will be when we make them that way. But the great new is that we have been empowered to make things become on earth as they already are in heaven, so while we have work to do, it is all do-able. And the best first place to begin is with our own hearts, our own souls, and choosing our own measure. Because with the measure we use it will be measured to us, so let’s choose the most life-giving Jesus-like standards we know how and then trust the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us into all truth as we walk this out.
