Back in 2002, shortly after the movie A Walk To Remember came out, I was a freshman in college and it was playing at some evening campus event. Having nothing to do, I decided to watch it, and was in tears toward the end when ***spoiler alert*** one of the main characters, played by Mandy Moore, dies. It was a sad ending to a movie but it had that sweet, angsty relationship drama that seems to be so big among teenagers, of which I was one at the time. For whatever reason, I have always been able to identify with that movie–the desire to get married at a young age, and the fear that my spouse would die many years before me.
I don’t recall when either the desire to be married young or the fear of early spousal death took hold within my heart, but both conditions certainly have been set up in my life. At age 23, my wife and I got married, and she was (and remains) 24 years older than I am. I find it interesting that both my deep desire to be married young and my potential fear of my spouse dying early have been all wrapped up into one. Certainly I don’t hope for that, but given our significant age difference, that possibility certainly exists, at least in a normal life where people believe that we are all fated to die.
If we fast forward to now, where I am 33, I don’t actually believe in death and dying, preferring to simply live forever like Jesus promised us so many times in scripture. Yet, at the same time I still find myself getting sick every winter, and my wife experiences chronic pain and a host of other issues from long-term mercury poisoning from dental amalgam fillings (if you have them, get them out of your mouth–they are slowly killing you). Neither of these look very much like the abundant life Jesus promised us.
I found myself the other day thinking about the fact that my wife is in pain every day, and it’s really just a question of how much pain she is going to be in. I was talking to God about the situation, and A Walk to Remember came to mind. I realized that the fears I harbor regarding my spouse dying an early death are a contributing factor to attracting death and disease in her life. God reminded me that in the same way that Job’s fears were largely responsible for the calamity he experienced (Job 3:25 says, “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.”) that I influence my wife’s health to some immeasurable degree through my fear.
After I was prompted about this, I began to repent in prayer and renounce those fears and the beliefs underlying them. I asked the Lord to bring healing into every place in my heart that is hurt and has given room for those fears. I asked Him to touch every fragmented and fractured part of my soul that is not part of my core self that may hold this fear of spousal death and of the pain and loss associated with it, ministering to them and bringing them into greater freedom. Shortly after that, I began to get nauseous, which is often indicative to me of demons manifesting if it occurs during or after a time of prayer. I began to address the demons associated with those hurts and fears and erroneous beliefs. I do not believe I am finished with this fear and the underlying beliefs, but I do feel I have made a step forward, both in correcting my own thoughts and emotions that are tied into death, and in altering the attraction I bring by my beliefs into my life and subsequently into my wife’s.
Some of the techniques I used are similar to those found in my new coauthored book Broken to Whole: Inner Healing for the Fragmented Soul which we have just launched this week. In this book you will learn not only how to identify fragmented parts of your soul and spirit that need healing and integration, but you will uncover why and how they got broken to begin with, as well as what problems they have been causing in your life. I believe that many readers will find a light-bulb goes on in their minds as they read this book. You will begin to uncover contributing spiritual factors behind frustrating life patterns, physical ailments, and more, as well as techniques and solutions on how to fix them. I encourage you to pick up a copy of Broken To Whole today to kick-start and accelerate your healing journey.
For those interested in additional help, you can use the “Fragment Finder” flower essence alongside the book to help move your emotional healing journey forward even faster.